This Little Piggie Went to Market

It's been tough-going finding good throwaways and second-hand curiosities at the markets in Tallinn. Mind you, since the weather's shaped up, more stuff has appeared at the train station market. Fewer kiosks are locked, boarded up or unmanned. More of the sellers are skulking around, socializing (and sometimes boozing) in the environs of their collections, making it much easier to find out whether something's for sale, and how much things cost.

We dropped by this past weekend to pick up the most recent in John's line of broken watches. We'd returned it to the kiosk he'd bought it from since the hands weren't firmly threaded on the central pin. Any handshaking or wringing of same would force the hands to jump intervals of fives, tens or twenties of minutes at a time, whether future-bound or past, every fingerwag also a wager in time lost or time gained. The watch had been sold with a year's guarantee, this in the form of a tiny piece of paper with incomprehensible handwritten details. The guarantee was honoured, though our money was reimbursed for the meanwhile. The watch was to be sent to "the master" and we could pick it up after 2 Sundays had passed.

Alas, the watch was on the premises, but still broken. It hadn't been sent anywhere. "The master's sick," I was told. "For the past three weeks?" I asked, and filled John in on the goings-on. The seller overheard us and called out in English from the depths of his booth, "He is very old -- 80 years!" No other repair options were suggested. A single week remained until our departure from Tallinn -- unlikely that even the speediest of recoveries would allow enough time for master-ful repair and Sunday pick-up. The seller removed the watch-strap (which belonged to John... this had been bought at yet another wacky watch repair and clock kiosk, located in the steamy, mildew-stained lobby of Raua sauna, in downtown Tallinn) and kept the broken timepiece. John's given up on finding a new old watch in Estonia.

But all was not lost on this trip to the market. A longer than usual look into a toy'n'games kiosk yielded this most awesome name-brand rip-off compact, a must-have accessory from Christian Dior's lesser known and spelling-challenged haute couture of a cousin, "Charsten Deor". I googled the spoofed-up name on a whim and turned up a handful of Russian articles (Itar-Tass Ural, Federal Customs Service, Security Service) on a court case dealing with the seizure of counterfeited Christian Dior goods. Apparently, the Arbitration Court of Sverdlovsk Region ruled in favour of Ekaterinburg Customs on charges of illegal use of the Christian Dior trademark. The guilty party was fined in the amount of 30,000 roubles, and the counterfeit items -- mirrors in plastic frames, 7200 units -- were confiscated. I'm glad this one made it all the way here from Ekaterinburg. It's the first item I own that I know was supposed to have been officially confiscated -- a bargain at 19 EEK.

Meanwhile, over at Keskturg, Tallinn's Central Market, the outdoor stall section has been largely taken over by sellers of bedding plants and starter tomatoes, making for slim pickin's. In the midst of all the spring seedlings, one woman trading in household detritus did have something of note. Here's an artistic interpretation that features the fantastic find:

Stockholm Syndrome

CRUISE PROVES CAPTIVATING
TALLINN, ESTONIA, April 16-18 /Baltic Cruise News/
Tallinn travellers finally on board with Tallink prescription, take two-day dose of ferry-cruising to Stockholm. (Full story, A12.)
Exclusive film footage available only on ChristleZine!

Stockholm Syndrome: Case History

As I explained in a previous post, although there are daily departures and several ferry lines running routes from Tallinn to Helsinki and Stockholm and between the latter two, passage on these routes shall primarily be sold (and bloody-well enjoyed, dammit) in the form of a 2-day cruise. The passenger shall be financially punished should s/he endeavour to book one-way fares or attempt to build a triangular journey linking the 3 cities. Despite the price differential -- baffling, since we would potentially be travelling on the same ship with the same folks, just not calling it "cruising" (we'd've donned the cruisewear, if that would've helped) -- we decided to get one-way tickets on non-adjacent dates and spend the intervening days in Sweden's capital.

Thankfully, we'd noticed another Tallink ticket branch inside Stockmann's department store. We couldn't bear visiting the main Tallink branch in the Hotel Tallink for a third time. We'd already had 2 horrific episodes with the Silja cruise specialist there, and were certain we'd either be thrown in the galley or ordered to swab the decks all the way to Stockholm if we'd asked this salty sea-hag of a ticket scalper once more to price out the one-way fares for us.



Unfortunately, we didn't realize Stockmann's was in the midst of its price-chopping, bargain-shopping, "Crazy Days", so the place was a mad-house, jammed with giddy Estonian consumers (many of whom, like us, can't afford a damn thing at Stockmann's), pawing through bins of designer cosmetics and haute couture men's T's for the crazy, as advertised, deals. (Dollar-forty-nine day, Tuesday, this most definitely ain't.) We did our best to shuffle clear of the bright yellow fun-fur-fuzzied Casper-the-Grotesque mascot (our prices are so insane that I'm yellow, formless, and have neither pupils nor mouth, see above) and headed into Tallink with our chosen travel dates and our respective speech apparati puckered and ready to firmly enunce: no cruise, aitäh [thanks]. We got the tickets. (Asked just the once about the cruise option.)

Next task was to find accommodation in Stockholm. Affordable mid-April, mid-week and two-person rooms in Stockholm... very difficult to find, indeed. Impossible, in fact. A couple of days of vigorous e-mailing produced the following notices of rejection.

Hello Christine,
What it looks like now we are unfortunatelly fully booked on the 19 th and I can therefor not help you out with a room this date.
Have a contines good day!
Christine Front Desk
Vanadis Hotell & Bad

Hello!
Thank you for your e-mail. So sorry but we are fullybooked.
Kind Regards Christian
Hotel Tre små rum

Hello Chrstine!!
Our hostel open the 16 of june - 13 of august. You are welcome to visite our site www.ostrareal.com
Med vänliga hälsningar/ Best Regards
Östra Reals Vandrarhem

Sorry but we are fully booked that weekend
Best of regards/Med vänliga hälsningar
Achipelago Hostel

Dear Christine,
Thank you for your kind request! Unfortunately we are fully booked for the dates requested. Any other dates we are glad to help you!
Best regards Erika
RYGERFJORD HOTEL & HOSTEL

Hi,
We only have one freee bed in dormitory these dates.
With best regards,
Reception / 2kronor Hostel & Budget Hotel - Old Town|Stockholm

Hello, Thank you for your request! I’m sorry that I can’t reserve anything for you because we are fully booked.
Best regards,
Lotta Casranea Old Town Hostel

Sorry, no.
Kindest Regards,
Colonial Hotel

Hi John,
We only have beds on the 21st and 22nd in an eight bed dorm. To make a
booking please respond with your credit card number and expiry date.
Kindly, Matt

Dear Christine,
Thanks for your mail. We are unfortunately fully booked this period. Please feel free to getback to us should you need accommodation another time in Stockholm.
Best regards
Mats Sahlin
Checkin Apartments Stockholm

Dear Christine,
Thank you for your request. We can offer you accommodation between May 21 and June 9 and pretty much all dates after June 16.
Please log on to our website www.stockholmliving.com to get more information.
Sincerely Adrian La Torre

Time to anchors aweigh was a-dwindling. I hadn't had this much trouble finding a hotel room since Minsk, in 1994 (Svensk... Minsk... just a coinskidensk?) We looked over wistfuly at our hard-procured itinerary and boarding documents, then snatched 'em and flipped 'em to read the fine print on the return policy. Seemed simple enough. Since we'd purchased regular tickets at enormous, non-cruise fares, the tickets were 100% refundable up to 24 hours prior to boarding. Finally, they had us. We'd turn these in and treat ourselves to a m%tha-#$*'in cruise with the proceeds. We'd pay Tallink a fourth visit come sun-up.

Sun-up. We headed into the Tallink office, prepared for an easy exchange with the reasonable staff. Bushwhacked! The first words out of their mouths wipe the smiles from our faces, "We're sorry, but these tickets are non-refundable." We bark back, "Oh, we're sorry, but they are, please read where it says so, right here." Their second line infuritates us all the more. "We reserve the right to make changes to the pricing policy, and regardless of what it says on the tickets, because we do reserve this right, now these tickets are non-refundable." Fuming. And we reserve the right to get angry, and will do so, right now, as we demand to speak to a manager, and not leave the premises until we do so.

There were flustered page-flippings, pink cheek flushings (on all parties' parts) and calls were eventually put through. At one point, the C-word was mentioned, along the lines of "Cruises aren't refundable"... immediately drowned out by "But this wasn't a cruise!" If we'd learned anything in our 2-month battle to get these one-way tickets, it was the difference between a cruise and what we'd bought. Attempts were made to do a one-to-one exchange -- our one-way fares for a cruise. Not acceptable. After all, the one-ways are worth 3 times the cruise amount, are they not? The Tallinkers had to agree. Their cruise prices were unbeatable!

Many more Estonian words exchanged softly over the phone, and soon it was apologies all around. A refund to my credit card would be "impossible" and would "take many days". Instead, we were issued a two-day cruise Tallinn-to-Stockholm for two passengers in an inside cabin on an above-water deck and two complimentary drink coupons, and were then paid out exactly two times the cruise price in Estonian cash, enough to make up the difference we'd paid on the one-ways. We left the office red-cheeked, embarrassed to have had to play the role of the sputtering and awful N. Americans (who really must speak to your supervisor) and relieved the whole thing was over. Now we just had to shift into cruise-mode along with the rest of the proud Tallink Club Card holders, and get ready to see Stockholm in FastForward.

The Peterburi Express

The Express bus to St. Petersburg departed uncomfortably early, at 6:00 a.m. Nevertheless, we opted for this route since "Express" meant shaving one hour off the trip as compared to all other departures. We packed up as well as we could the night before and set multiple alarms.

Another Soviet-era clock souvenir we picked up at the household junk market in Tallinn. ("I bet it rings like a bitch" said to have been uttered at time of purchase. And, I assure, you it does.)




Out the door a little after 5:00 a.m., we led our rolly-mini-suitcases through the morning fog down to the Telliskivi tram stop, in time to catch the first public transport of the day, and enjoy the scenic ride around the stone walls of still-sleeping medieval Tallinn en route to the Autobussijaam.

We were relieved to discover that this Eurolines bus was differently-configured than the ones we'd taken to and from Riga and Vilnius. There was actually leg-room enough for 2 people to sit comfortably side-by-side and face forward, instead of sitting diagonally, with 2 of a couple's 4 legs blocking the aisle. The bus was only half-full, though all passengers were jammed up into the anterior half, since everyone either opted or were advised to sit in their assigned seats. We left Tallinn and travelled down Narva mantee [for Edmontonians, Narva being to Calgary what mantee is to Trail], revisiting some now-familiar territory, as the road traverses the southernmost section of Lahemaa National Park.

In Narva, the essentially all-Russian town on the Estonian side of the border, we handed over our passports to the Estonian authorities and beeped our watches 60 minutes hence before the bus trundled over the bridge to Ivangorod, on the Russian side, where we had to unload all of our luggage and walk it through the visa-processing border shack ourselves. Notably, this procedure is not much different than what one faces at the U.S. border when travelling by Greyhound, except that the Russian border guards don't grill you with questions about drugs, weapons, produce or animal husbandry. Paying close bureaucratic attention to the required documents instead (including some or all of passport, visas, invitations, official stamps, migration cards, form listing the currencies and valuables you're taking into the country, health insurance policy) -- provided these are all in order -- you are thankfully ignored.

The road was far less worthy on the Russian side, perhaps not repaired since the days of Catherine II. The change in road conditions was accompanied by a switch at the helm, the Ivangorod-to-Petersburg pilot clearly an expert at navigating these 200 kms of so-called road, these 3 hours of rubble and craters. Any hope of making it safely to Peterburi rested on this one man, it was he who intimately knew these roads, these barely-passable stretches and trecherous crevasse-ravaged curves, who knew where best to drive in the shoulder, which sections could be passed only at snail-speed, when to swerve, what to avoid, how to roll with the bumps and bobs, how to careen and come out relatively clean. Only once when a Lada attempted to make a blind left turn directly in front of us did we risk losing complete control. An elderly woman passenger did eventually lose her breakfast, though, as a result of the relentless lurching and jerking.

We finally reached St. Petersburg -- and immediately became ensnared in a traffic jam for 45 minutes, though we were just blocks from the Baltijskij train station, our final destination. This made us late, thus rendering moot the "Express" status of our route. This introduction to the now vehicle-choked St. Petersburg was appropriate; there would be many more "probki" (literally, corks) to come.


Calming Interlude
Talk of traffic jams has the potential to set the heart a-racing and the blood a-boiling. So time-out for a little soothing bell-chiming and bobbling from this weeble-wobblin' Gator Gena (An acquisition from the flea market at Metro Udel'naya in St. Petersburg.)

Service Will Resume Shortly

I apologize for the 3-week break in newsfeed (or snoozefeed, whichever applies). Just got back from an exciting, exhausting and long overdue visit to Mama Russia. For anyone following international news, the stoppage in the bloggage was in no way connected to riots in the streets of Tallinn (which there were, 2 days after our departure) and fallout thereafter, nor to any cutting of diplomatic or other ties between Estonia and Russia (not that these would affect us personally, though we wondered whether we might need to choose an alternate route back into Estonia), nor to attempts, by "pro-Kremlin" youth groups, to block the highway at the Russia-Estonia border (the youths were hauled away long before we made our way back over the bridge from Ivangorod (RUS) to Narva (EST)).

Being in Russia during this political flare-up with Estonia definitely provided a fascinating backdrop to our journey into Russia, not to mention our stay in Estonia more broadly. (More later about the Bronze Soldier monument and its removal from a square in central Tallinn just prior to Russian Victory Day celebrations.) For me, though, this is really a travel story of places and routines visited and revisited, others bypassed, of a language reclaimed (Y-PA!), of sharing one's past, of remarking ways in which places and people change and noticing how places and people remain remarkably the same, of disconnecting, misconnecting and reconnecting.

As the sign says, PEMOHT! You can spell it out without a Cyrillic keyboard, which is cool. Said aloud, it's actually re-mont, a most useful and frequently-encountered Russian word, which basically means [closed for] repairs; renovation; refurbishment. And so, christlezine, repair, renew and refurb! Due to the scheduling upset, some upcoming posts will, of necessity, be on a 3-or-so-week delay.