Monday, May 21, 2007

Stockholm Syndrome: Case History

As I explained in a previous post, although there are daily departures and several ferry lines running routes from Tallinn to Helsinki and Stockholm and between the latter two, passage on these routes shall primarily be sold (and bloody-well enjoyed, dammit) in the form of a 2-day cruise. The passenger shall be financially punished should s/he endeavour to book one-way fares or attempt to build a triangular journey linking the 3 cities. Despite the price differential -- baffling, since we would potentially be travelling on the same ship with the same folks, just not calling it "cruising" (we'd've donned the cruisewear, if that would've helped) -- we decided to get one-way tickets on non-adjacent dates and spend the intervening days in Sweden's capital.

Thankfully, we'd noticed another Tallink ticket branch inside Stockmann's department store. We couldn't bear visiting the main Tallink branch in the Hotel Tallink for a third time. We'd already had 2 horrific episodes with the Silja cruise specialist there, and were certain we'd either be thrown in the galley or ordered to swab the decks all the way to Stockholm if we'd asked this salty sea-hag of a ticket scalper once more to price out the one-way fares for us.



Unfortunately, we didn't realize Stockmann's was in the midst of its price-chopping, bargain-shopping, "Crazy Days", so the place was a mad-house, jammed with giddy Estonian consumers (many of whom, like us, can't afford a damn thing at Stockmann's), pawing through bins of designer cosmetics and haute couture men's T's for the crazy, as advertised, deals. (Dollar-forty-nine day, Tuesday, this most definitely ain't.) We did our best to shuffle clear of the bright yellow fun-fur-fuzzied Casper-the-Grotesque mascot (our prices are so insane that I'm yellow, formless, and have neither pupils nor mouth, see above) and headed into Tallink with our chosen travel dates and our respective speech apparati puckered and ready to firmly enunce: no cruise, aitäh [thanks]. We got the tickets. (Asked just the once about the cruise option.)

Next task was to find accommodation in Stockholm. Affordable mid-April, mid-week and two-person rooms in Stockholm... very difficult to find, indeed. Impossible, in fact. A couple of days of vigorous e-mailing produced the following notices of rejection.

Hello Christine,
What it looks like now we are unfortunatelly fully booked on the 19 th and I can therefor not help you out with a room this date.
Have a contines good day!
Christine Front Desk
Vanadis Hotell & Bad

Hello!
Thank you for your e-mail. So sorry but we are fullybooked.
Kind Regards Christian
Hotel Tre små rum

Hello Chrstine!!
Our hostel open the 16 of june - 13 of august. You are welcome to visite our site www.ostrareal.com
Med vänliga hälsningar/ Best Regards
Östra Reals Vandrarhem

Sorry but we are fully booked that weekend
Best of regards/Med vänliga hälsningar
Achipelago Hostel

Dear Christine,
Thank you for your kind request! Unfortunately we are fully booked for the dates requested. Any other dates we are glad to help you!
Best regards Erika
RYGERFJORD HOTEL & HOSTEL

Hi,
We only have one freee bed in dormitory these dates.
With best regards,
Reception / 2kronor Hostel & Budget Hotel - Old Town|Stockholm

Hello, Thank you for your request! I’m sorry that I can’t reserve anything for you because we are fully booked.
Best regards,
Lotta Casranea Old Town Hostel

Sorry, no.
Kindest Regards,
Colonial Hotel

Hi John,
We only have beds on the 21st and 22nd in an eight bed dorm. To make a
booking please respond with your credit card number and expiry date.
Kindly, Matt

Dear Christine,
Thanks for your mail. We are unfortunately fully booked this period. Please feel free to getback to us should you need accommodation another time in Stockholm.
Best regards
Mats Sahlin
Checkin Apartments Stockholm

Dear Christine,
Thank you for your request. We can offer you accommodation between May 21 and June 9 and pretty much all dates after June 16.
Please log on to our website www.stockholmliving.com to get more information.
Sincerely Adrian La Torre


Time to anchors aweigh was a-dwindling. I hadn't had this much trouble finding a hotel room since Minsk, in 1994 (Svensk... Minsk... just a coinskidensk?) We looked over wistfuly at our hard-procured itinerary and boarding documents, then snatched 'em and flipped 'em to read the fine print on the return policy. Seemed simple enough. Since we'd purchased regular tickets at enormous, non-cruise fares, the tickets were 100% refundable up to 24 hours prior to boarding. Finally, they had us. We'd turn these in and treat ourselves to a m%tha-#$*'in cruise with the proceeds. We'd pay Tallink a fourth visit come sun-up.

Sun-up. We headed into the Tallink office, prepared for an easy exchange with the reasonable staff. Bushwhacked! The first words out of their mouths wipe the smiles from our faces, "We're sorry, but these tickets are non-refundable." We bark back, "Oh, we're sorry, but they are, please read where it says so, right here." Their second line infuritates us all the more. "We reserve the right to make changes to the pricing policy, and regardless of what it says on the tickets, because we do reserve this right, now these tickets are non-refundable." Fuming. And we reserve the right to get angry, and will do so, right now, as we demand to speak to a manager, and not leave the premises until we do so.

There were flustered page-flippings, pink cheek flushings (on all parties' parts) and calls were eventually put through. At one point, the C-word was mentioned, along the lines of "Cruises aren't refundable"... immediately drowned out by "But this wasn't a cruise!" If we'd learned anything in our 2-month battle to get these one-way tickets, it was the difference between a cruise and what we'd bought. Attempts were made to do a one-to-one exchange -- our one-way fares for a cruise. Not acceptable. After all, the one-ways are worth 3 times the cruise amount, are they not? The Tallinkers had to agree. Their cruise prices were unbeatable!

Many more Estonian words exchanged softly over the phone, and soon it was apologies all around. A refund to my credit card would be "impossible" and would "take many days". Instead, we were issued a two-day cruise Tallinn-to-Stockholm for two passengers in an inside cabin on an above-water deck and two complimentary drink coupons, and were then paid out exactly two times the cruise price in Estonian cash, enough to make up the difference we'd paid on the one-ways. We left the office red-cheeked, embarrassed to have had to play the role of the sputtering and awful N. Americans (who really must speak to your supervisor) and relieved the whole thing was over. Now we just had to shift into cruise-mode along with the rest of the proud Tallink Club Card holders, and get ready to see Stockholm in FastForward.

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